They've Been Waiting for this Moment For All Their Life. Oh Lord.....

"I fuckin hate Phil Collins...," says pregnant and cigarette-smoking bride, Alice Greensboro. Her new husband, Jed, drunkinly interupts her, "For fuckin real. No real drummers sing. He's fuckin gay. And bald."-- Jed proudly flicks his mullet.

When asked how long they dated before tieing the knot, Jed points to the rope that hitches his truck and trailer, "I tied that about fifteen minutes ago before you came." Alice chimes in, "No hun, he means how long we been in love. We been having sex since the fourth grade. I had a few other boyfriends between now and then, and he's had some other girlfriends. But it ain't no thang, all the other peoples we done had sex with have been friends of ours. We gonna last fa evva." Alice takes a hit of the cigarette and holds it in her mouth. Jed takes a chug from his can and holds it in his mouth. They go in for what looks to be a tender kiss, but instead Alice puckers up and siphons the beer from Jed's mouth into her own. Alice swallows the beer and blows the smoke into Jed's mouth. Jed inhales deeply, then exhales the smoke. They look at each other and giggle. Alice grins and says, "We love each other."

What about smoking and drinking while pregnant? "My mama drank when I was in the oven. So did Jed's. We turned out just fine."